Just sent this email to the Daily Express. Do you think they’ll answer?

Dear Sir/Madam,The fucking Express

I am writing regarding the Daily Express website, http://www.express.co.uk.
Unfortunately there seems to be an inaccuracy on the site which requires correction urgently which I hope you will see fit to rectify.

You see, when viewing the site in Internet Explorer, the title bar of the browser window reads: “Daily Express: The World’s Greatest Newspaper”. I also note that this appears on the print edition of your newspaper. I just wondered how you acquired the said title.

I’m sure there are some characteristics that qualify the Express for such a grandiose title – after all, you were the first newspaper to publish a daily crossword – however, as a keen newspaper reader; I have not seen a worldwide competition ranking newspapers recently. I must have missed it. Which distinguished panel awarded the Express its title?

Needless to say, I congratulate your newspaper on its title. I’m sure that it was a well judged, objective decision to receive this title, just as your news stories are. Not that it was made up by marketing men in a room who think that someone will read that, and then think:
“Hey, no that’s right, the Express is the best newspaper in the world. No one would get a title like that without due process. Let’s buy the Express.”

Needless to say, I would be grateful if you could correct this inaccuracy as soon as possible as I feel it is inaccurate.

On an additional note, your story on page 3 today about the motherless deer was excellent. I thought there was something in the news about global warming or something, but I’m glad you feel this story has better news value this early into a newspaper. Oh, and page 25: “No, it’s Jesus, not Judas Asparagus” was particularly excellent as well. Very informative.

Yours sincerely,

Mr J Grainger.

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