What is it about this time of year?

First you get the newspapers regaling you in advance about just how miserable everyone will be for the next month or so. Then they tell you half the people are fine as none of them are at blooming work anyway – at least not until January 8 apparently. They can’t even make up their minds, and I think that’s a problem for a lot of people now.

It’s all this end of year stuff too. It’s just a time that people (at least those who don’t fret about their direction or definition every single day of their so far meaningless lives) take stock, all because that little number at the end of the date clicks over, we reset back to the all powerful 01 of 01, and it suddenly seems to make people go crazy for a few weeks. New start and all that.

Like New Years Resolutions, I just find it a bit bizarre y’know? Why not change during the year? Why not change make these changes on a Thursday in November. Is it just this period of assessment that makes us do this? Or just the symbolism of that last digit clicking over?

It’s more likely to happen and be something stuck to if it happened at some point during the year, without everyone repeatedly asking how’s it going. Maybe sub-consciously, the person knows that most resolutions fail and that’s part of it all. Or maybe they’re just determined, I don’t know, I just suppose I don’t think everyone (or anyone?) is actually going to keep it up.

So what about me, did I make one? I tried to think of one (fucking hypocrite). I got a text at 2am on the (all powerful) 01 of 01 from a friend saying ‘here’s mine, what’s yours?’. So I thought and typed out ‘I’m going to be productive‘. Next morning though, when I was deleting old messages on the phone I saw that in my drunken state I’d actually typed ‘I’m going un be productive‘. Now, while that may not be grammatically accurate, I think it’s the kiss of death to that thought process already.

Incidentally, the friend wanted to not swear so much this year. I suppose that’s pretty easy really. I’m disproved immediately. I suppose the only conclusion I can come to, is pick something that doesn’t cost money at least. Or just go to the fucking gym and use the membership and don’t lose all the money you accumulate from working a job. (Warning: sweeping generalisation alert…) Especially when quite a lot of you hate your jobs anyway and wouldn’t be there if you didn’t need the cash.

One day, maybe I’ll be able to say: “This year, my resoulution is to be a man of leisure’. That’d be nice.

x, J.


Just sent this email to the Daily Express. Do you think they’ll answer?

Dear Sir/Madam,The fucking Express

I am writing regarding the Daily Express website, http://www.express.co.uk.
Unfortunately there seems to be an inaccuracy on the site which requires correction urgently which I hope you will see fit to rectify.

You see, when viewing the site in Internet Explorer, the title bar of the browser window reads: “Daily Express: The World’s Greatest Newspaper”. I also note that this appears on the print edition of your newspaper. I just wondered how you acquired the said title.

I’m sure there are some characteristics that qualify the Express for such a grandiose title – after all, you were the first newspaper to publish a daily crossword – however, as a keen newspaper reader; I have not seen a worldwide competition ranking newspapers recently. I must have missed it. Which distinguished panel awarded the Express its title?

Needless to say, I congratulate your newspaper on its title. I’m sure that it was a well judged, objective decision to receive this title, just as your news stories are. Not that it was made up by marketing men in a room who think that someone will read that, and then think:
“Hey, no that’s right, the Express is the best newspaper in the world. No one would get a title like that without due process. Let’s buy the Express.”

Needless to say, I would be grateful if you could correct this inaccuracy as soon as possible as I feel it is inaccurate.

On an additional note, your story on page 3 today about the motherless deer was excellent. I thought there was something in the news about global warming or something, but I’m glad you feel this story has better news value this early into a newspaper. Oh, and page 25: “No, it’s Jesus, not Judas Asparagus” was particularly excellent as well. Very informative.

Yours sincerely,

Mr J Grainger.